


REDACTED

by Amusical



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: About a century later, Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Android Revolution Failed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amoral/Immoral Reader, Androids No Longer Look Like A Basic Human, Angels and Demons, Animal Ears, Body Modification, Burns, CyberLife (Detroit: Become Human), Dragonborn - Freeform, Gen, Goblin Avatar, Health Issues, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Disfiguring Accidents, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, In Humans and Androids, It's mostly Undertale Characters in a Detroit Become Human setting, MMORPGs, Non-Binary Trans Character, OCs galore, Oni, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Reader has a past, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Sarcasm, So Skeletons, Talks Implying Ownership of Sentient Beings, Virtual Reality, Warnings May Change, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:39:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amusical/pseuds/Amusical
Summary: Over a hundred years has passed since the one and only Android Revolution came and failed. Now in the U.S, androids are no longer allowed to look completely human, and deviancy is all supposedly in the past. But is it really?In a future where androids are almost as common place as humans, but still do not to have rights; see the disturbing truth. Follow Reader as they become the new owner of two androids, Papyrus and Sans.Join in and find out how they find themself surrounded by so many androids.Starting with the Tale Bros, you distract yourself from the monotony of everyday life.One day Papyrus brings home a partially destroyed android from the dump, and fixes him up.A mysterious inheritance lands you with two edgy androids.Read to find out the Bros histories.





	1. Delivery Service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my AU Kara, Luther and Alice are all a happy family still living in Canada, so no need to worry. Everyone else is dead though. :/
> 
> I found it disappointing that in a future with androids there's no VR. So here.
> 
> The AU brothers aren't going to be skeletons, so any ideas? Kitsune Stretch? Or Incubus Stretch? Stretch isn't named Stretch either. So ideas? I was thinking Orenji or Renji for short. Oni Blue? Wolf/Werewolf Pup? Dragons? 
> 
> The Tale bros are still skeletons though.

Dunking your head underwater and scrubbing vigorously; its a pleasant feeling getting rid of two weeks worth of oil, dirt, muck and grime. Back above water you suck in a break, ears twitching, flicking water. And, damn, you couldn’t believe the newest update. You didn’t believe it when they advertised innovative realism coming soon! This platform might have the highest modality in sense of touch, you’ve experienced yet.      

 

In the past you couldn’t even feel your elongated ears, because there was no real life equivalent there. Used to only be able to feel where the tips of your ears touched your head. Now though? Now you could feel the shape of your goblin ears, could feel as your toes dig into the pebbles of the river. Even feel the weight of water weighing down your long hair. It was easier and took less time to adjust to the lack of height too.

 

An abundant of pros, yes, but also more than a handful of cons too. Not many people play with virtual reality to be inconvenienced by the burdens of reality. Nobody wants to have to bathe and piss in the middle of an adventure. Especially having to be bothered by the smell of monsters, and sweat under the noonday sun.

 

It also felt really gross to bathe in a river almost fully clothed. There’s no soap to help you along either, and you still smell a little like that monster you vanquished. Still though under the shelter of nearby trees, it felt really nice to be warmed by the filtered sunlight, warm. Relaxing.

 

Two weeks have passed by in game, and such continuous play did wonders for immersion. The alarm you set up still hasn’t rang, so that meant it hasn’t even been an hour yet. It was going fine until you had the bright idea to take on a solo quest, which brought you here napping under the trees. The outcome itself was quite enjoyable, but it's the stuff in between that was a real bother. Like being covered in grit and mucus and zombie blood.       

 

Eyes closed, a bug buzzes in your ear, and lazily you take a bat at it. Opening your eyes you realize the noise is actually coming from outside the game. Back in the real world you take off the CyberLife headset, and set it down on the coffee table in front of you. Taking only a few quick strides between the couch and the door, you answer the intercom.

 

[Mx.? There’s a delivery here for you.]

 

“Aa, thanks. I’ll be right down.”

 

It’s not Tuesday so it’s not a grocery delivery, and you didn’t order anything online recently. Currently its the weekend, and you were looking forward to some uninterrupted gameplay. Oh, well. You were about to take a break for lunch anyway. It’s a sedate trip down the stairs thinking about what the package could be. Soon enough you’re at the desk of the concierge, and ask after your package.

 

“Oh, Mx. Your package is in the back. Haru show the way, please,” the doorman indicates the apartments android bellhop. The uniformed android tilts his head before walking out from behind the desk, and leads you to a backroom. Stopping just outside the door, Haru indicates that this is the right place with a wave of his hand.

 

Inside the first thing you notice is the large, black container with your name and room number written in holographic display on the front. Engraved right underneath directly on the case is CyberLife’s logo, and immediately you’re reminded of three weeks ago. You had visited a slightly run down shop that sold secondhand and build-it-yourself androids with a friend, and was persuaded to buy one.

 

Actually it was a two for one deal, and you weren’t one to pass up on almost free stuff. That and you’d cave after seeing how much fun your friend had when building her own, although you did go with the lazier option to peruse the shop’s second hand androids. Your friend had been affronted with this fact, but it wasn’t like her build-a-bear androids were any newer, at least, in its component parts.

 

That suspicious shop had definitely had a chop shop and recycle policy as you’d pointed out to her. She wasn’t very amused by this theory though as she had made it vocally known to you. Walking up to the CyberLife packaging, a hand shaped scanner appears out of the smooth surface, and you place a hand on it, which unlocks the black box with a small hiss.    

 

Taking a small step back when the door slowly swings open, revealing two androids in the standard uniform. The androids are in a simple upright position, and as immobile as they are, only adds to their unsettling appearance. The two before you could have been lifted straight out of a high end fantasy world. In a way it’s like you’ve brought a part of the game with you to the outside world.

 

One of the androids has his eyes closed which is weird since you would think a skeleton wouldn’t have any eyelids at all. You hadn’t known about that tidbit, but it makes sense when you think about it. The both of them are already, thankfully, anatomically incorrect skeletons. Why not take an artistic licence in their design? It would make them more user friendly, probably. The other taller skeleton seemingly stares straight ahead with unseeing eyes, which makes him look more like a skeleton if not for his strangely shaped socket. And although you know the android is not activated, it still feels like he’s staring at you. Creepy.

 

Not that the androids didn’t look cool in a morbid sort of way.

 

Simultaneously you tap the both of them on the shoulder, all that’s needed to activate your new (second hand) androids. The android with his eyes closed blinks awake, and his deep sockets fill with lights, which is a plus. This way he didn’t look like an actual skeleton awake either. Despite the fact that they’re skeletons and all of their expressions must have involved some form of smiling, once waking they smile at you. Freezing a bit, they’re more than a little eerie having smiled in unison like that.

 

In this day and age it is not anything strange to see inhuman features in androids, but normally nothing this extreme. It only strikes you then to question your life choices that lead up to this point. There’s the fact that sometimes you’re weak under pressure, and also prone to impulse buys. You were also tickled pink about something you’d seen about each of the androids.

 

At your friends prompting to join in you were only going to purchase the tall one, but that lead you to see what the deal is with the shorter android. In the end the shorter skeleton was sort of a gag gift for yourself. Without talking the three of you head out the door, but you’re stopped by Haru the earlier apartment android.

 

“Mx. Please sign this, saying that you have received your package.” Haru holds out a clipboard for you to take, and sign, so you do. “Have a nice day, Mx., and I hope you enjoy your purchase.” Haru concludes.

 

“Oh. Thank you, Haru. You have a good afternoon, too.” After waving to the nice android, you head back to the apartment.

 

It was a little weird hearing the sound of footsteps following behind, but you’re sure you’ll get used to it soon. This whole thing wasn’t a bad thing at all. Of course not. Okay. Enough denial and regret. “You guys got any preferences to what I call you? You’ve had names before right?”

 

“yeah,” a deep, chucking voice starts. “but whatever’s fine. right, bro?” Brothers. Strange for androids in itself nevermind androids of such different make and model. It might have also been one of the reasons why you got the two of them. “Hmm,” starts a slightly less deeper voice. “I don’t have anything in particular I want to be called either.”

 

“Okay,” you say unhurriedly, unsure and pondering. “Nine-four, pi-eye, one-two, you-five. If you turned some of those numbers into letters than… PA-PI-RUS, Papyrus? How ‘bout it? Sound any good?”

 

“That… Papyrus sounds satisfactory to me,” Papyrus slowly supposes, his the somewhat less deep voice. “What about l4z3e-8120?”

 

“Hmm. Both of your serial codes are really unwieldy, that’s why I didn’t name you after your personal code, but Five-four, Enn-five? Ess-Ay-Enn-Ess, Sans… Papyrus and Sans. Those are both fonts aren’t they?”

 

“Yes. There’s quite a few Android Models named after fonts, actually. Sans and Papyrus in particular.” Papyrus adds helpfully. “Huh. I didn’t know that. Guess you learn something everyday.” Fishing your keys out of your pockets, you flex your hands. “So… ” In front of your door you turn to face them, and inquire. “Sans?”

 

“like i said. _nothing_ you can call me will get _under_ _my_ _skin_.” Sans jokes, his voice deep. He’s the short one with the weird eyelids. “Stick and stones will break my _bones_ but _words_ will never hurt me, huh?” You meet his skeleton pun with one of your own, catching Sans by surprise, and his eyes widen incrementally, more like a twitch.

 

“heh. and here i thought i was the comic relief.” Rolling your eyes an idea comes to you. “Yeah. How about we call you _Comic_ Sans? Sans for short. You _are_ a comedian.”

 

“heh. i think i might like the way you think.” Sans winks at you, hands in his slacks’ pockets.

 

Papyrus is just standing there, a smile on his skeletal face. It’s then that you notice how much more realistically skeletal he is compared to Sans, which makes sense with how much more he’s taller than the other skeleton; he’s meant to be intimidating. An apparition of death and destruction. Shaking your head you refocus on unlocking the door, you’ve been playing games way too much.   

 

Back in the comfort of your own living room, you prepare to get back in game, but then one of the androids interrupts you by clearing a throat despite lacking one. Looking away from your CyberLife VR headset, you see that its Sans, awkward perma-smile in place. “that a Cyberlife VR set?”

 

“Yeah?” You question tentatively, not sure what he wants. Regarding Sans you see out of the corner of your eye that Papyrus is cleaning up the living room without being asked.

 

“i can come with if you want?” Sans waves his left in a so-so gesture, imploring. Feeling slow you ask him. “You have a VR headset?”

 

“you’re virtual, but no i don’t. i don’t need one.” Sans taps his temple, right over his LED. “CyberLife android remember? i’m wireless.” Sans puts both hands up like a visual heh.

 

“Okay. I don’t see why nott.” There’s a brief moment of continued eye contact, but getting nervous, you break it before placing the headset on your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to know Haru is an elf android. The concierge, who's second generation Japanese, named him.


	2. School of Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans joins you in your virtual house. You show him a galaxy of tropical fish. An introduction to your Goblin Avatar, Notta Huemen.

Appearing inside your mind palace, the two of you blink at each other, Sans seems mildly caught off guard by your main avatar. Having a non-human avatar is nothing unusual, but not many people are goblins on their mains. Technically you’re a half-goblin, your hair is a darker shade of green, and your yellow eyes aren’t slitted. Standing at five feet tall, you’re shorter even than Sans’ five-three.

 

Smiling with a mouth full of sharp teeth, you articulate your thoughts to Sans. “Surprised?” Enjoying the rumble of your goblin rasp, and the hiss of breath between your inhuman teeth.

 

Gazing down at you Sans voices his thoughts, his brows raising up at you. “A _bit_.”

 

“Haha,” you roll your eyes. “We doing height jokes now?” Crossing your arms, you peer up at him. “Didn’t know this was elementary school.”

 

Head tilted, eyes closed, Sans goes. “aw.” Eyes opening to look at you, Sans’ rictus grin widened. “i was just _kid_ ding around with you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.” Smirking at him, you snap your fingers. All show. “But you can get yer head out of the _clouds_.” The scenery of your homey mind palace is replaced with a cloudy environment during a sunset, rose pink with artistic licensing.

 

“impressive, you certainly _schooled_ me there. careful though or else you might get a _big_ _head_ ,” Sans tapped his skull, his larger than average skull.  

 

Throwing up your hands, you mentally dismiss the clouds, and your virtual room reappears. “Whatever, Sans.” Flopping down you pat the spot next to you on the wicker mat of your living room floor. Once Sans takes a seat, you lay down, getting comfortable. Flat out, hands on your stomach, dressed in cotton threads; there was a very urban fantasy feel to the place. “I was planning to go back into the game, but we can relax here instead.”

 

Copying you sans lays down, and closes his eyes. Only then do you realize that virtual Sans is dressed in a different outfit than his CyberLife uniform, decked out in a faded blue hoodie and basketball shorts. Hah, a goblin and a skeleton dressed in modern day dress? Very Urban Fantasy. Looking away, you change the background with a swipe of your mind, causing the both of you to materialize on a seafloor.

 

Where you are now is less of an actual virtual destination and more of a limited screensaver. The two of you are surrounded by a coral reef and colorful fish, and your skin starts to feel cold and wet. Other than that though you can still feel the wicker mat underneath you.  “heh. i’m _down_ for some _chill_ axing.” He couldn’t help, but quip at the change.

 

Staring at the sunlight filter in in a way that it only can through water, Sans internally notes that the view is kind of enchanting. Even the way the soft light gently waves at him, certainly feels lazy. Bet he could fall asleep to this easy, but your next words pulls him from his thoughts.

 

“Hah. Look at what I can do next.” Grinning, and with a swiping flourish of your right hand, you get rid of the water, leaving everything else in place.

 

Sans is almost disappointed. _Almost_ , but not quite. The look of irrational flying fish swimming through the air, at least, tickles his _funny_ _bone_. “heh.” Even the fracturing light is still there despite it now being dry and waterless.

 

He reaches up a mittened hand, and startles a tropical fish away. “know what they’re called?” He questions, a little curious. Never been at the bottom of the sea before.

 

“Nope, not at all.” Hands behind your head, you grin at no one in particular.

 

Laughing at the nonchalant answer, Sans laughs. “hehheh. me neither.” Mirroring you, Sans cradles his skull with his arms. It really felt like nap time now. Reminds him a bit of Napstablook. Sans doesn’t even realize he voice his thoughts out loud until you say something.    

 

“Who’s Napster-book?” Curiosity in your eyes, you leer at him from the corner of your eye. Sans continues to stare straight ahead at the fleeing, pretty fish.

 

“Napstablook. an AI in charge of a VR Room, i know. a real quiet ghost, but they’re good for naps on the floor. funny monster, likes to feel like garbage.” To be precise the sight reminds him of Napstablook’s galaxy holographs. “also really into making their own music.” Almost made him miss the light shows, those stars.

 

Without thinking you mention what’s on your mind. “Sounds like a real cool AI, if they know how to nap wherever.” Staring up at a nonexistent sky, you ask him. “‘S Napstablook more into classical or something else?” Kinda made you wonder what music made by an AI ghost sounded like. Was it spooky?

 

“they mixed their own sound. did their own thing.” He makes sure to add a shrug in his voice when he answers you. “if you laid on the ground with them, Napstablook would project constellations in the room. best star charts around, and real accurate too.” He was being real chatty today. “could make you forget you were still on Earth.”

 

“Stars, huh?” Sounding contemplative, you reminisce about past lives lived through virtual reality. “Played a space pirate once or twice when I was younger. Like when I was a kid.” Thinking about things that long ago brought on a strong wave of nostalgia. “More into high fantasy MMORPGs nowadays. Around the same time I made this avatar actually.”

 

“oh. yeah, what’s with that?” Only one eye opens to peer at you. “you a goblin?”

 

Sitting up and then nodding along, you answer him with an ambiguous. “Eh. I’m a half-blood. See these eyes, they’re not slitted like a cat’s, round pupils. When I first made up this character, I intended them to be a hobgoblin, I think. Not even sure what I’m supposed to be mixed with. Human? Could be, can’t remember.”

 

Sans sits up, and then pushes himself off the ground. “human memory. huh.” Sans looks away, readying another joke. “you know what Human memory’s not?”

 

Having already turned away, you look over your shoulder at Sans. “What?”

 

“It’s not _purr_ fect.” Giving you his best shitting eating grin, Sans radiated smugness. “Hehheh.”

 

Face crumpling up, you try to remember what he could possibly be going on about. You get it's a cat joke, but pointing at your eyes, you point out. “Wait. I said that I don’t have _cat_ - _eye_ pupils.”

 

“still an op _purr_ tunity though.” Sans looks at you like the _cat_ _that ate the canary_. Stretching, hands above your head, you walk through the virtual house. Without taking anything out of it, you check the fridge, then close it backup; like in the real world. Turning around to face Sans, you catch yourself on the counter with long, black nails. “Oh. I forgot to mention, but my pronouns are he/him whenever I’m like this.”

 

“good to know.” Sans slowly nods at you, asking. “so what should i call you? grumpy?”

 

A look of confusion comes over you at Sans’ words. “I don’t look grumpy.” Lithe frame, wiry muscles, and mop of choppy green hair. “Are you making another _cat_ joke?” You knew for a fact that you look very menacing. _Nothing like a cat_.

 

Hand over heart, you make your well versed introduction. “In VR you can call me _Notta Huemen_ , Half-Goblin extraordinaire.” Flicking into existence at your thigh, twin ornate hatchets materialize, and you twirl them between your hands.

 

“heh. Notta Huemen?” Slight disbelief colors Sans’ words, sounding tickled pink. “nice name, _Notta Hueman_. real clever.”  

 

“Oh. I know,” you give him a look. “I know I was being real clever when I named this character, but I’ve been using it for years and I’m not about to change it now. So stop _rib_ bing me.”

 

“heh. now you’re _rib_ bing me.” Sans bounces his brows. “i thought i was supposed to be the _humerus_ one,” and waves an arm, none too gently hinting at his _skeleton_ pun.   

 

After scoffing, and Sans pointing out your grin, you feel the need to continue talking about your reasoning. “Also the name’s a reference to a character from the beginning of the twenty-first century.” Raising a brow, Sans whistles. “over a hundred years ago? you’re into some pretty old stuff. huh.” Nodding along, an excited grin takes over your green face, and enthusiasm colors your next words. “Nott the Brave’s my favorite character from this Dungeons and Dragons group, Critical Role. She’s a goblin, too.”          

 

“pfft. _Nott the Brave_?” Sans giggles, eyes closed. “i can see who you take after in the naming department.” Grinning skull from skull, Sans’ eyelights drifts left to right, thinking. “i wonder if you take after in the bravery department too?” Sans drawls, but his voice is teasing, testing.

 

“Hey!” A frown tugs at your lips. “She eventually earns that comma.”

 

“hey.” Sans raises his hands up in mock surrender. “don’t be so _short_ with me, please.” Sans’s voice is almost condescending, in his punnery.

 

Mood having lightened, you huff a bit at the skeleton good naturedly. “...hah.” A beat and then you deadpan at him. “That’s a _tall_ order, Sans.”

 

“hey, i’m not even that much taller than you.” Sans lazily points out, hand comparing heights vaguely. “Fair.” You say, hands up. “You’re just _green_ I’m taller than you are in real life.”

He says, hands in jacket pocket, “heh. now that’s just a _tall_ tale.” 

 

“Ah,” you make a face. “Ya got me there, that’s the best height joke I’ve heard yet.”

 

“what can i say?” Sans says, left hand lifted. “i’m always up for a small jest.”

 

“Ok, ok. I give.” Flopping back on the couch, you groan. “Please have mercy on me. No more lame jokes.”

 

“aa. i’m not about to run _short_  here.” Sans drops down next to you on the couch. “i used to do drugs, but i stopped. wanna know why?”

 

Mildly curious, you lean back, and ask him. “Why?”

 

“i stopped because i couldn’t get _high_.” Sans says, his delivery on point.

 

Ugly snorts escape you, despite seeing that a mile away. “Double entendre, cool beans.”

 

“androids actually can get high.” Sans informs you. “Yeah?” Sans white, gloved hand waves around. “obviously not drugs in the way humans think of them. but yeah.”

 

“I just, I just realized what you remind me of, Sans.” Snorts of laughter still escape you despite trying to hold them in. Filled with super subdued curiosity, Sans asks. “...what?”

 

“Your perma-smile, and laid back demeanor… Sans,” you look at him in your periphery. “You look like a stoner. You always look f’ing _high_.”

 

“ahahah. you caught me.” Sans gives you the side eye, before grinning like an idiot. “my face is absolutely criminal.” Snorting at his underhanded compliment to himself, suddenly you jump up.

 

Standing tall, metaphorically, of course, you shout. “You know what’s criminal? The fact that we haven’t entered the game yet.” Before stopping in your tracks. “Where’s Papyrus? Do you think he might want to come with?”

 

“Papyrus? you could say that he has _high_ brow standards.” Sans says, his brows jumping. “but seriously though i think he’d rather clean up irl than do stuff in virtual reality. so i think he’s good. anyway what's your weapon? is it a fancy axe?”

 

Leaning back on a foot, you say, "Oh, this? I think it's called a Nzappa zap." 

 

Grinning sappily, Sans question, "a Nzappa zap? cool beans, i think." He rests an arm on the back of the couch, leg on the other knee.

 

Mind on what kind of character Sans would make, you ask, “I know that androids can make characters in-game, seen it before, but how do we do this?”   

 

“I need some _authorization_ here, Human.” In his words you can hear Sans laughing at his own joke, despite the slightly robotic tinge in his voice.

 

Rolling your eyes, you say. “Haha, I get it you’re a robot.”

 

“yep,” Sans popped the p. “i do need access to your VR Room though, and you _are_ the authority here.” Sans did something with his hand, you’re pretty sure he’s doing finger guns, except his hands are still gloved. Absolutely ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED: Weapons change.


	3. Something Funny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the Tags.
> 
> Also there was a minor edit in the last chapter. Notta's weapon was changed to these throwing hatchets.

The air conditioner was busted, just in time for a heatwave to hit, too. Currently you’re waiting for the apartment’s handyman to come by. Lounging around in the living room, you were absolutely melting. So hot you were that technology could not distract you. Well, other than the androids, maybe they can distract you.

 

In your spot one the ground, you’re poking Papyrus in the thigh with a foot, who keeps pushing your leg away with his knee. The t.v is working perfectly fine, and if you had the mind to, you could’ve distracted yourself with whatever program Papyrus was watching. But you were on the ground, at an angle that couldn’t see the t.v, and you were being too slothful to move up into a sitting position.

 

“Hey, Sans… “ Peering up at Sans on the couch from the ground, feet up, on the seat next to him. “Say something funny.” 

 

Sans simply plays back a recording of your own voice,  parroting back of your words, grin glued on. “Something funny.” It wasn’t so much the elementary school level immaturity that you were privy to, but the sound of your own voice sets you off. You laugh, and laugh; you laughed so hard, you need to wipe off tears from your eyes. 

 

Mind occupied, looking away, you comment. “Good laugh that.” The recording of your voice reminded you of your childhood, and now you’re no longer in the mood to talk. So abruptly standing up, you head towards your bedroom. The sound of someone following reaches your ears, but halts when you stop in front of the door. “The guest bedroom’s empty, you guys can take it. I don’t care. I’m taking a nap now, so don’t disturb me, unless the handyman rings the door.”

 

At the sound of the bedroom door slamming Sans shares a look with his brother. 

 

“The HUMAN’s certainly being touchy.” Papyrus dryly observes. 

 

Giving Papyrus the side eye, Sans huffs. “heh. nice one, bro.” 

 

Papyrus threw his hand up in frustration. “Ugh!! Sans!! That was!! Not!! A pun!!” Curse his brother and his filthy jokes! 

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Waking up on your stomach, bed devoid of any blankets, you’re awaken by the ringtone of your phone. [Puru Puru Puru] A hologram of a den den mushi hovers above your phone case before disappearing when you answer the phone. “Hel’o?” Lights out, voice gravely with sleep. 

 

A loud voice nearly pops your eardrums, it’s the sound of your friend Amy’s voice. “Hey, [REDACTED]! You’re way too close to the screen.” Sitting up, your legs swing over the edge of the bed, and mutter, “Hm?” A bout of static. “Its video! Turn on the lights, and wake up already.” Twisting the lamp on the bedside table next to you, the room lights up. Peering down at the phone in your hands, her ugly mug greets you. Amy smirks, and declares, “Guess whose androids just came.”

 

Smiling sleepily, you voice, “Yours too?” 

 

“Your’s came too?” The tiny image of your friend frowns, and then demands. “Hey… Why didn’t you tell me?” Rolling your eyes, you reply, “I did. Texted you.” Through the screen, you see Amy check her texts. “Oh. You did, silly me.” She laughs it off with a wave of her hand. “So I wasn’t too sure what to get, right? In the end, I settled on Japanese yokai. I can’t wait for you to meet them.”

 

“Look at ‘em!” The view of the camera changes. “Aren’t they the cutest?” Tapping the screen, you switch over to holographic mode. The picture of the androids you get is enlarged, revealing two figures waving at you awkwardly. They look less like monsters from Japanese myth and more like anime boys. The androids were human or at least as close to human as Cyberlife liked to let it get, with blatantly inhuman hair and eye colors. The taller one was obviously a kitsune, reddish orange fox ears and multiple tails could be seen twitching behind him. You weren’t sure what the other one was supposed to be, but his most noticeable trait were black sclera. 

 

Back in normal camera mode, you see Amy indicate you with a hand. “What about you? When did your androids arrive? You didn’t say in your text.” Pulling in a leg at an angle, you prop the phone on a knee, and mention, “Only yesterday.”

 

“Yeah?” Pulling her hazelnut hair up in a ponytail, Amy declares, “We should really get together sometime, and compare. How about we meet at the fair next week?”

 

Nodding along, you respond, “Sounds good, Amy.” Sleepily you watch as Amy bang around around the kitchen, cooking something up. Pot left to boil, Amy resets her focus on you. “The both of them are absolutely lovely,” Amy adds, sighing. “I even have names for them already.”

 

Smiling at her, you prompt her, “Yeah?” 

 

Amy nods, pulling a lock of hair back behind her ear before exclaiming, “Yeah! Ren and Blue. It suits them, I think.” Grinning widely, Amy dimples. “The smallest one is so adorable! You can tell he’s the innocent type,” she leans into the camera. “And I’ve bought a bunch of endearing blue outfits for him. His name’s Blueberry, obviously.” Thinking about what you saw of the androids, the one with black sclera was the one dressed in blue. 

 

“And the taller one…” Through the phone you can hear shrill a screech. “He’s so sexy, like damn.” Faintly you hear giggling that isn’t Ami, and you wonder if it was one of her androids. “I have him decked out in orange hoodies, went with a more casual look for him. The kitsune’s name is Orenji, or Renji for short.” She giggled, the weeb probably thought she was being clever. 

 

Her enthusiasm shows, hair escaping the updo she has. “The type of aloof older guy that I just love. I can’t wait to give him a cigarette and have him blow rings for me.” You could practically hear her swoon. 

 

“That is oddly specific.” You comment ‘diplomatically’.  

 

In a tone of mock indigence, needlessly, Amy defends herself, “It’s just a fantasy of mine.”

 

You give her one of your patented looks, full of playful judgement. “Uh-huh.” 

 

“Whatever,” Amy rolls her eyes. “Don’t act all high and mighty with me when your preferences are just as weird.”

 

“What are you talking about? Preferences? I don’t make it sound like I have some strange kink.” 

 

Squinting at you, Amy crosses her arms. “Sure you don’t…” Her voice trails off, before she wonders, “Anyway, do you think there’s a setting to make his voice scratchier?” 

 

“Dunno,” you voice honestly. “You might have to pay more for a plugin or a module though.”

 

Shaking her head, Amy gives up. “Ugh. More money. Maybe later then.” She pauses before words start rushing out of her mouth. “Oh! Show me what clothes you bought them.”

 

Giving a half-hearted shrug, you hum non-committedly. “Eh.”

 

Getting serious, Amy’s eyes almost bug out of her sockets, claiming, “Don’t tell me, you didn’t buy them anything. They don’t come with anything other than the basic Cyberlife uniform.”

 

“Mine did. Bought ‘em second hand remember?” You paused, thinking. ‘S nothing special though. Just some plain old street clothes.” And some funky exercise clothes in Papyrus’ case.

 

With a wave of her hand, she deadpans, “Boring.” Looking at something out of shot, Amy adds, “Maybe we should go shopping, or get something online.”

 

Making a show of it, you think on Amy’s idea. “‘Kay. Whenever we have time, you can come over, and we can buy something online for my androids.” 

 

Briefly, Amy claps her hands in excitement. “I’ll hold you to that, [REDACTED].” Hitting your hands together, thinking, you go, “Let me text you some pictures.” Fiddling with your phone, sending her pictures of them in uniform and in street clothes, sticking out a tongue as you do so.    

 

Currently out of frame, Amy absently hums, before going, “What’d you name yours anyway?” Looking at your hand, you count despite there being only two of them. “There’s Papyrus and Sans. Taller one’s Papyrus, the shortie’s Sans.”

 

Sounding curious, Amy asks you. “How short?” Flippantly, you say. “Five-three. He’s no fun though. Doesn’t care about his height.”  

 

Her face teasing, Amy drawls, “Really?” Rolling your eyes, you note. “Just because Notta Hueman is sensitive about his height doesn’t mean I’m as sensitive about mine.” You point out, “I’m tall in real life.” 

 

“Eh,” Amy hums, “Taller, not tall.” but she’s smiling at you in high spirits regardless. “Oh!” She suddenly exclaims. “Sorry, but I have something to do, bye!” Waving, you go, “Bye, Amy.” She waves at you, and then hangs up.   
  



	4. Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans' apathy. Papyrus' no nonsense-ery.
> 
> Creepypasta Papyrus is best Papyrus.
> 
> Also... Has anyone else noticed that Papyrus has two glass eyes?

During the time you’re sulking in bed, Sans and Papyrus is taking their time arguing. Leaning back on the couch, Sans raises his hands, eyes still closed before he goes, “nobody ordered me to fix the a.c.” His relaxed grin is starting to annoy Papyrus. “YEAH, BUT YOU WERE THE ONE TO DO SOMETHING TO UPSET THE HUMAN.”

 

Barely moving his mouth, Sans answers, “‘s not my fault if the human has issues. clearly there’s something else going on there.” 

 

Papyrus grumbles before he goes, “UGH!! I HATE IT WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT!!” 

 

“heh. all that’s left to do is wait. i’m sure someone will come around to fix it.” Sans let’s his head thump back on the backrest, ready to take a nap.

 

Hands on hips, Papyrus asserts himself. “ _FINE_. I’LL FIX THE AC MYSELF.” 

 

Sans whines, a drawn out, “no.” Flopping forward he complains some more. “you always makes the ac way too cold.” 

 

Slowly turning his head to his brother, Papyrus goes, “YOU ARE A SKELETON. YOU CAN’T EVEN _FEEL_ THE _COLD_.” Pulling his feet off the ground, Papyrus stretches his feet out, digging into the side of Sans leg. “YOU’RE EVEN WEARING A JACKET.” Looking at him, Sans says, “aw. Papyrus. you know i’m all _skin_ _and_ _bones_. i need all this extra insulation to keep _warm_.” 

 

“NYEH! SANS!!” Glancing away, Papyrus crosses his arms. “THAT WAS… ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. _SKIN_ _AND_ _BONES_. PFFBBHTT.” 

 

Grinning like a little shit, Sans glances at him. “don’t you mean pretty _cool_?”

 

Staring straight ahead, Papyrus lays his heavy legs out onto Sans’ lap. “WELL, IT WAS. NOW IT’S STARTING TO GET OLD.” 

 

Lifting his brows, Sans can’t help himself. “i'll say, it’s starting to get  _cold_.” 

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Later that night, too lazy to cook anything from the heat, you decide to order some pizza. Eventually with everyone’s help, read help from Papyrus and jokes from Sans’ spot on the couch, the table is set. Standing back, beholding three places at the table, brings painful memories to the forefront of your memory; the sight hurts and makes your heart ache. Even if it was just pizza… The nostalgia was so thick you could practically taste it along with the cheese in the air. 

 

Fiddling with packets of extra cheese, Sans speaks up. “hey, Human.” His hands stop messing with the packets, and he looks up at you. “Before we eat this ‘za… How ‘bout a group picture?”

 

“WHAT A GOOD IDEA, SANS,” Papyrus looks away from Sans, and peers at you. “HUMAN!!” He smiles. “Let’s take a group picture to commemorate, um, the eating of pizza!! YES.”

 

“Sure thing, Papyrus, Sans.” Taking out your phone, and flipping the camera to selfie mode; you pose with the two of them next to you. 

 

Already posing, Papyrus happily exclaims, “Say ‘Cheese’ everyone!!” 

 

“Cheese,” you smile, teeth bared. “ _cheese_.” Sans adds in, a slice of pizza in the shot.

 

“Ugh!! Sans. Was that all a ruse just for that punchline?” Papyrus said, frowning, and putting suspicious emphasis on the word punch. “I thought you were going to be on your best behavior tonight.” He voices, reprimanding. Papyrus was being so serious and strict about Sans being on his best behavior, which for some reason meant no punning or joking around at the table, at least, for the duration of dinner. With such enthusiasm in fact that you have to wonder if he was helping Sans out with a regular routine. 

 

Not acting reprimanded at all, Sans drawls, “aww. don’t be so _sourdough_.”   

 

“SANS!! THIS PIZZA ISN'T EVEN!!!” Papyrus bangs on the table, emphasizing each word.

 

“ok, ok,” Sans looks away before glancing back at Papyrus. “you don’t _knead_ to tell me twice. I’ll be good.” 

 

“Nyeh!!” Suddenly Papyrus gains a pair of eyeballs, which seems to be there for the sole purpose of popping right out of his skull, which he catches. Or at least you don’t think he needs eyes to see, since most of the time he doesn’t have them. His actions prompts you to ask him, “Hey, Papyrus, why do you sometimes have eyes? You don’t need them to see right? Where do they come from?”

 

Papyrus smiles at you in a way that makes you think that he's staring at the wall behind your head. His words are precise, brisk, and brokers no room for further questions. “I stole them.” Your expression slightly scrunches, and shake your head to clear it. Choosing to ignore that bit of madness, you take a bite of your pizza. For the next few minutes the three of you eat in blessed silence. It’s kind of awkward, but still a companionable silence, at least, until Sans breaks it.

 

“hey…” Sans tests. “wanna hear some ‘za jokes?” Since he picked the moment right where you’re chewing, you nod at him. He seems real pleased by your answer for some reason. “heh. sorry. it’s too _cheesy_ , i can’t.” 

 

Nearly choking, you turn away. “Pfft.” Maybe Papyrus knew what he was talking about, pertaining to jokes at the dinner table. 

 

Apparently cheered on by your reaction, Sans continues. “want to know the art of of pizza jokes?” Looking right at you, Sans jokes. “It’s all about _delivery_.” He peered at you through one eye, and you can’t help but smile at him.

 

Especially enthusiastic, Papyrus once again starts yelling at Sans. “SANS!! Stop being such a _weirDOUGH_!!” Papyrus wasn’t even trying to hide his smile this time, and Papyrus’s own delivery was so straightforward that it takes you a moment to realize he’d just made a pun of his own. 

 

“Ahah hah.” Grinning at the both of them, you start snorting, and make a grab for your cup of water.


	5. Say Sneeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy outing with Papyrus at the park, feeding some android ducks at the park.
> 
> Papyrus makes spaghetti for dinner, Sans puns. Suffice to say, it's another mess.

Coming out of your bedroom early the next morning, you ask if either one of them want to go to the park for a quick run. There was a routine you adhered to, and you weren’t about to fall into the habit of forgetting, because of your new androids. Unsurprisingly, it’s only the tall one that follows you to the park. Without realizing it, you arrive at the park, and he’s dressed in the most ridiculous outfit known to man.

 

Papyrus might have a holographic armband around his arm, and triangles on his shirt; however, it still didn’t make his crop top and booty shorts any less absurd. The only thing you could be thankful for is the fact that he didn’t have any junk to hang out. Your normally slow paced morning at the park, might have turned a competition to see who could put the most amount of distance between the two of you. Most likely for two entirely different reasons. 

 

It’s not like you were embarrassed per se, and there was barely any people at this time of day; it was more like, you had no idea how to interact with someone so bold. You’ve known people who were bold in your life, and you’ve met cringe inducing individuals plenty of times in VR MMORPGs. Personally though Papyrus’ preferred form of dress was off putting in the least. 

 

On the way back to the front of the park, the two of you stopped by an ice cream cart. “Mmn. Nice Cream.” Looking askance at you, Papyrus voiced his thoughts. “Should you really be getting a NICE CREAM, so early in the morning? DID YOU AT LEAST HAVE BREAKFAST YET?” Glancing away, you replied to him with a simple. “No.”

 

Crossing his arms, Papyrus squinted at you closely, very closely. A veritable hawk. “NO TO WHAT?” Or like the mom friend. 

 

Mulishly you kick the ground before glancing back up at him. “No, I shouldn’t be eating a Nice Cream so early.” He gave you such a beaming smile that all thoughts of buying one really fast while he looked away flew from your thoughts. Catching you by surprise, Papyrus lays a gloved hand on your head; it might have been a horrible idea to get a Family Domestic Assistant android in family without any children. 

 

“YOU’RE A GOOD KID, AREN’T YOU?” He continues patting your hair, but it begins to feel condescending. Swiping his hand off, you nudged him in the ribs, and then look away. “No I’m not.” How annoying, your voice sounding exceedingly childish. And to add insult to injury he starts unabashedly laughing. “Nyeh heh heh heh.” At least, it didn’t feel like he was laughing at you this time. 

 

Stewing under a tree, you don’t notice Papyrus wander away. When you do notice, you find him scanning a map of the park. Tapping a spot on the map, Papyrus imparts some map reading ability. “Let’s visit the Duck Pond.” Despite your patronage to Ebott City Park for quite a few years, you’ve never visited that part of the park. “Dunno, Papyrus. Ducks are pretty dirty.”

 

Glancing over at him you observe Papyrus staring at you a little unnervingly. Then he speaks, his voice full of doubt. “Have you ever been before?”

 

“Uh,” you glance away. “To the Duck Pond? No, I haven’t.” Papyrus hummed before suggesting that a detour might be nice in a happy-go-lucky tone. “How about we go and take a look see? You never know, maybe the ducks will be android animals.” Scanning his sunny visage, you can’t help but listen to Papyrus’ idea. 

 

Nearing the opaque water, Papyrus speaks up, pointing ahead. “See? THE POND’S FULL OF ANDROID DUCKS.” Hands on hips, Papyrus sounds very self-satisfied. “VERY CLEAN.” Shading your eyes, you try to get a clear glimpse of the pond. “How can you tell? Do you have good eyesight, Papyrus?” 

 

“NYEH? WHY THAT’S EASY TO SAY.” Papyrus starts to pointing at the path leading up to the pond. “THERE’S NO _DUCKING_ DUCK DROPPINGS HERE. NYEH HEH HEH HEH.” Turning to stare at him, it takes a moment for you to remember to raise a brow at him. “Did you just censor yourself?”

 

Sounding nervous, Papyrus shifts. “What if I do?” Looking away, you scratch your cheek self-consciously. “Nothing. I, I do the same thing.” Taking a glance at his face, you notice the funny expression on his face. Trying to get rid of the awkward atmosphere, you suppose. “But Ducking…? That’s pretty funny.” Looking up at the leaves on the trees, you ponder this next bit out loud. “Maybe I’ll try that out the next I wanna drop an F bomb.” Absentmindedly you say something without really thinking about it. “I rarely ever cuss anymore, huh?”  

 

Arriving at the pond, the two of you walk up to a dispenser of android duck food. The android animals are all very realistic, most of them wander around on webbed-feet, and some even fly about to other parts of the park. There’s incessant quacking, and quite a few of the ducks fight over the bread. At one point there’s even a mother duck followed by a gaggle of baby ducks, swimming in the water and making tiny treads.   

 

Taking a gander around the park, you see the time. “Freak! I’m gonna be late for work. Let’s get home, I gotta shower.” Like that your agreeable time at the park is cut short.  

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

Papyrus had suggested cooking spaghetti for dinner, and it sounded like a good idea, so the two of you went grocery shopping to acquire the ingredients. Papyrus is wearing an apron that he’d brought with him despite cooking not being listed as one of skills. The familiar action of watching someone cook while sitting at the kitchen table soothes you. 

 

It probably wasn’t a good idea to let Papyrus to cook if he didn’t have the skill for it. At first you were simply going with the flow, but now you were good just watching him cook dinner. He hasn’t set fire to anything yet. Definitely wasn’t going to get into his way if he wanted to cook so much. His cooking methods were certainly unique, he was making an absolute mess. You might have been a little more mad if he hadn’t just cleaned everything up beforehand. 

 

Soon enough the delicious aroma of spaghetti spreads through the apartment, and you simply take a moment to bask in the ambience. The spaghetti also looks good. Twirling up a mouthful of spaghetti with your fork, you take a bite. For a second you freeze, despite it’s mouthwatering smell and delectable appearance; the spaghetti tastes kind of bland. 

 

Actually it was very, very bland plate of spaghetti. Which from personal experience is pretty hard to do if you prepare it correctly. It should’ve tasted better than this, it just didn’t. Oh, well, that just provided a reason for your to dump a ton more of oregano onto the dish. Plenty of oregano now on your plate of spaghetti, you can see Sans pour ketchup all over his spaghetti, which seemed a little redundant to you. But thinking about it; the spaghetti is super tasteless. 

 

Once again twirling a forkful of spaghetti, this time with a lot more oregano, you speak what’s on your mind. “This spaghetti is pretty bland.”

 

Your words catches Papyrus’ attention, causing him to look at you. “I’D THINK SO, I’D MADE IT, AFTER ALL.” You have nothing to say to that, so you stay silent. Papyrus continues to stare at you, and right when it starts to come off as eerie, he speaks up. 

 

“I’M A _SKELETON_ ,” Papyrus unperturbed, brightens his smile. “Of course, my spaghetti is _TASTELESS_.” For a second nobody moves before Sans begins chuckling so hard he begins to choke. Without missing a beat, Papyrus follows with a laugh of his own. “Nyeh heh!!” Freely he laughs, equally loud as it is weird.     

 

“hehheh.” Sans doubles over, clutching his stomach, laughing. “that’s pretty _tasteful_ , Papyrus.”

 

Hand on chest, Papyrus pretends not to have heard that, and poses. “I NEVER _pasta_ - _p_ AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS.” Clapping his hands, Sans makes a mess of his plate. 

 

Twirling his fork with his left, Sans jabs his fork in the air. “hey, hey, Papyrus.” Sighing, resigned, Papyrus asks. “What is it Sans?” Grinning Sans makes a bad joke. “Where does pasta go to dance?” Sans waits for Papyrus to ask. “Where?” A beat, then Sans spears something. “at the _Meat_ - _ball_.” Papyrus rolls his eyes, before asking. “What’s the _DRESS_ _CODE_?”

 

“wha?” Sans says, dumbly. Papyrus looks at his brother like he couldn’t believe him. “IT WOULD BE _BOWTIE_ , FOR THE MEAT _BALL_ , OF COURSE.”

 

“Papyrus, bro.” Disbelief colors Sans’ tone. “HEH HEH HEH NYEH.” Papyrus says, nervously. Sans catches his brother’s eye before relaying his horrible spaghetti pun. “you’re an _impasta_ aren’t you? making so many bad puns in one day.”  Watching the two of them, you wonder if they actually eat anything or if all of the spaghetti on their plates have joined the raw ingredients on the ceiling. “MY PUNS AREN’T BAD!!” Papyrus screeches, flailing.

 

Glancing over at you, Sans queries. “What do you call a pasta that’s sick?”

 

As a corner of your lips twitch, you remark. “Dunno. What do you call sick pasta?”

 

Sans manages to make a lame joke sound funny. “Macaroni and _sneeze_.” You laugh even as Papyrus tries to hide his snorting.  


End file.
